Random Thoughts

So for the past couple of years, I've been struggling with something I think many women do in my situation - I want to have kids, like RIGHT NOW lol

I just turned 23, but I have never felt my age. I've always been years beyond my actual age, and I can definitely see that more often the older I get. I know that my body is also sending my brain signals - "hey yo self - you should totally get preggers...your at PRIME baby making age, and you're not getting any younger!" and since I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years now, I feel like we are far enough into our relationship to start thinking about children.  (...well, some would say marriage first then kids, but for some reason I'd rather get pregnant than get married right now and hey its not like I plan on leaving Cody any time soon lol)

Cody's mentioned to me that he definitely wants kids, but his main reason not to is - you guessed it - money. You will always hear people say "you never have enough money, it just always seems to work out one way or another!" or "if that's your reason for not having them - it'll never happen!". I think this is true, but in Cody's defense even though we do make decent paychecks - we have a lot of debt to pay off first. I know that if we weren't paying off debt we would have several hundred dollars left over at the end of the month.

I also have said from the day I knew I wanted to become a mother, that I want to be a stay-at-home mom for the kid's first years. I don't want to miss anything. I think that is the way nature intended, for mothers to have all the time in the world with their little ones. I don't mind working, I will work once they get a little older, I just don't want to have to work to make ends meet when they are newborns - 1 year old(ish). I mean, that's not too much to ask - is it?!?!

Anyways, I just kinda wanted to get that off my chest. It's been a constant thing on my mind every time I see my nieces, every time I see a baby, every time I see a pregnant lady, every-freaking-time I see a commercial for babies/diapers/etc.....it just insane and my hormones need to take a chill pill lol

I am confident that things will fall into place when they are supposed to, and if I don't get everything the way I want it - I am OK with that because I know that God has a plan for all of us and that everything happens for a reason. It's just gonna be the way he lays it out in front of me. However it happens it is supposed to be that way, so I just keep that thought in the back of my mind and it helps me get through the day.

I just can't wait for it though, I want to become a mommy so badly it seems to hurt sometimes.
But when the time is right, it'll happen!